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Snakes On A Plane (2006)

Reviewed on 2007 February 8

I wasn’t expecting nuanced, witty dialogue or deep plot with a title like “Snakes On A Plane”. I was expecting a goofy, cartoony popcorn movie and I didn’t even get that.

F.B.I. agent Neville Flynn (Samuel L. Jackson) is in charge of getting Sean Jones (Nathan Philips) into protective custody after witnessing a murder. Since Jones can squeal, we have a cardboard bad guy gunning for him named Eddie Kim (Byron Lawson). We never see too much of Eddie but we know he’s mean as hell and his body is more cut than a school budget, so everyone is afraid of him. Flynn gets on Jones on board a plane out of Hawaii, not knowing Kim learned his plans and prepared a lovely parting gift for him.

Jackson and Margulies (playing the world’s coolest flight attendant) are the only decent things about this movie. I like cult movies like Slither and Eight Legged Freaks so I thought I’d get a kick out of this thing. I didn’t. It was too dumb to have any scares and the snake attacks were too gruesome to be funny. I thought the “snake vision” was painfully dumb and if you want suspense, there’s so many things you could do add plot complications. It could have been interesting to have the snakes bite a few people and then hide, and drive the passengers crazy trying to figure out what happening. Someone in the back of the plane could’ve slumped over and have a stewardess go ape thinking there’s something contagious on board. That could have been an amazing panic situation. Anything but CGI snakes that hang onto people like bloated leeches. I will say this: there is a very funny line when Jackson is talking to the venomologist.

Bad movie! No morsel for you!

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