Eight Legged Freaks (2002)
Reviewed on 2011 April 26
Magnificently cheesy movie about mutant giant spiders that overrun a small southwestern town and chow down on the villagers like they’re popcorn.
Chris McCormick (David Arquette) picked the worst possible time to come back to his home town. The residents don’t seem to want to let him forget an incident in his past, he has no idea how to handle the crush on his long time love Samantha (Kari Wuhrer), who also happens to be the sheriff, and the town is about to be economically tanked by Wade (Leon Rippy), who is laconic evil with a pony tail. Miserable as these things are, they’re all gifts compared to what is happening underneath the town. Through a chemical accident, hordes of spiders have been turned to hairy things the size of garages, and normal prey like flies just won’t cut it any more.
If you like those giant bug movies from the Fifties, this is for you. This is something on the order of Gremlins or Slither: silly, and yet somewhat creepy if you loathe spiders the way I do. Honestly, I’m an arachnophobe. If a wasp finds its way in our house I have no problem lacquering its nasty wings with hairspray until it dies, but I ask Mr. Shukti to dispatch any eight-legger bigger than a gumdrop. These things are huge, they make noise, and they view us as prime rib on two legs. It’s also pretty funny. I love Wade’s deadpan reaction when he first sees the critters for himself. Tom Noonan also has an interesting role here; he always seems to play Mr. Creepy and here he plays a guy who, for whatever reason, loves him some orb-weavers.
Three chocolate morsels. Come on, with that title you know it’s bad-good.